I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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