sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
