I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
