Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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