Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize