I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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