I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
