I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
