By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
