it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
