I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
