Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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