If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
