She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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