this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
