Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
