legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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