Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
