He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
