guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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