I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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