This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize