sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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