i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
