Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
