It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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