Don't make out with my wife yet
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
