i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize