morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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