she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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