He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
