She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
