I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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