If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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