somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize