drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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