I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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