We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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