My nipple is on Facebook.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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