true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
