hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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