i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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