my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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