I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
