go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
