I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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