She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
