I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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