At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
