Cold hands, warm shart.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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