Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
