Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
