Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
