if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
