so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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