sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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