Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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