im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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