So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
