Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
