I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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