If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
