He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
