barbara walters just said penis...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
