I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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