I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
