brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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