Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize