why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
