maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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