Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can I color on your dick again?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
