Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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