Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
