I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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