YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
