She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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