I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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