Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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