We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
