Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
