So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
