I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
