i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize