this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
