I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize