Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
