Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
