you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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