Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
