apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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