I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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