Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
