i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize