1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
