I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
