the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
