I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
