At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
