Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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