I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
